What Am I Fighting For?
by Fiones
Summary: Alice ponders what she is really fighting for and whether it’s really worth it.


**Title: **What Am I Fighting For?

**Fandom: **American McGee's '_Alice_'

**Characters: **Alice Liddell, the Cheshire Cat.**  
Prompt: **077. What?

**Word Count: **1104**  
Rating: **PG-13

**Summary: **Alice ponders what she is really fighting for and whether it's really worth it.

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**What Am I Fighting For?**

"Cheshire, what am I fighting for exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what am I really fighting for? You, me, Wonderland? Who am I really trying to help here?"

"All of those things. You are helping me by helping yourself regain your sanity and you are helping Wonderland by ridding us of the presence of the Queen."

Silence. The Cheshire Cat turned to look at where Alice was sitting, staring with her deep green eyes off into space. She had an expression on her face that the cat had never before seen her wear. An odd glint in his golden eyes the Cheshire Cat slowly made his way over to her and seated himself down next to her. "Might I ask what has brought on this sudden change? You've never acted like this before, Alice."

"I…I don't know," she said, honestly. She glanced down at the cat, an odd look in her eyes that the cat couldn't quite place but it made him feel uneasy. "Cheshire…when you look at me, do you still see any faint trace of that little girl who stumbled here all those years ago? Or is she long gone?"

The cat blinked and for the first time in ages his wide grin faltered. It didn't fall away completely but it was obviously not as wide and menacing as it usually was. How was he to answer that when he really didn't know himself? It was obvious that Alice was far different from the young, innocent girl she once was but he couldn't tell if there was any trace of that little girl left in the young woman sitting next to him.

His golden eyes scanned her slowly, trying to figure out how to answer her. But he couldn't. He couldn't say anything to her. It was too hard for him to figure it out. And for the first time the Cheshire Cat found that one of his greatest traits was failing him. He couldn't lie to Alice.

"I think somewhere inside you is the same lost little girl...she just needs time to show her herself again," the cat said finally, not looking at Alice.

Alice glanced down at the cat, blinking slowly. After a moment she spoke, her voice quiet but in an odd way, menacing, even to the cat. "When I first returned to Wonderland...you told me it was partially my fault that Wonderland is the way it is."

The cat nodded, wondering where she was going with this. "That is true. You and the Queen are both responsible for the way Wonderland is now."

Alice stared blankly at the cat, her brow furrowing in confusion. "But I do not see how I am to blame. Please explain…"

Cheshire let out a small sigh, still not really sure where on earth Alice was running with this. He had never seen her this way, this concentrated on something that seemed so pointless. "Wonderland is now a deranged world that reflects your deranged mind. As you lost your sanity, Wonderland lost its as well. It is quite simple, really..."

A glare was sent in Cheshire's direction. Alice felt a small bubble of rage rising in her, one she had never felt before. "But...Isn't it thanks to Wonderland that I am this way? That I lost my mind?"

The Cheshire Cat's eyes widened in shock. At long last he was getting a glimpse of what Alice was saying, why all of a sudden she wanted to know what she was fighting for. She'd figured it all out.

Before the cat could speak Alice continued on. "Wonderland made me crazy. Wonderland, Edith, my parents, everyone made me lose all trace of sanity...And now I have to put my life on the line to save you." She sent the Cheshire Cat a cold glared, one colder and more heartless than any she had ever sent his way before. "I'm fighting for a world that destroyed me."

The cat shook his head, slowly. "No, Alice. You are fighting for yourself. For your sanity."

"So you say," Alice muttered bitterly, "but in the end I may kill the Queen and Wonderland will be free but I may still be insane. I may never get better."

"Alice, what are you saying?" The Cheshire Cat snapped, finally. He was getting impatient with Alice. For the first time her games were more bothersome than his own. Her riddles more complicated.

"What am I fighting for?" Alice repeated, looking at the cat sadly. "I'm fighting for a world that tossed me aside as a girl, and then abandoned me when I needed it the most. And now it wants me to fight for it. To save it. But what am I really fighting for?"

"I don't know, Alice," the Cheshire Cat said finally. "Anything you want."

"Anything I want..." Alice whispered, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. "Anything I want. But what do I want?"

The Cheshire Cat let out a sigh. She seemed to be running in a never ending circle of questions. "Whatever you want. I cannot tell you."

"I want...I want the Queen dead. I want my parents alive. I want you...to be human."

The cat stiffened at Alice's words. His eyes fixed on her but her own emerald green eyes were still closed. He watched her for a moment before speaking up. "You cannot alter what happened to your parents. They can never return. But you can kill the Queen."

"And you?" she asked. "Can I make you human?"

The cat remained quiet for a moment, thinking about how to best answer that. After a while he muttered, "Yes, you can. But not until all this is over. Not until Wonderland is yours again."

Alice's eyes snapped open and she glanced at the cat, a smirk playing at her lips. "Well, then..." she said softly, "I suppose that is what I'm fighting for then. I'm fighting to rid Wonderland of the Queen and to make you whatever I want you to be."

The cat nodded. Right now it seemed best to agree with her. "And are you still worried that killing the Queen won't help you regain your sanity?"

"Of course I am. I'm terrified that that might be the case." Alice turned and smiled at him, gently. "But I'll just have to keep fighting and find out myself."

**_FIN_**


End file.
